After B.Sc….(PART TWO)

“Na where person go see better job opportunity after service go make sense jor” i continued when there was a little quiet in the room, everyone sweating, Ba and Na had their shirts pulled (who sent them to b apes, hairy mumus 😏).

“Oga gbagbe! If U wan make am U go sabi hustle anywhere U dey ” Jo, the legendary hustler countered.

We continued this way for several minutes, argument venue shifting from my room towards Room 15 balcony.

“I know say anywhere Wey i dey , I go adapt”, De said 

“Oyah bad guy, before U adapt when U reach this hostel sef, heaven nearly fall, if no be for Kz and Ife for Ur life” Na mocked, laughing at De, everyone joined.

“Leave am, shebi Na him b adaptor” Pr added mildly but jokingly; that statement wasn’t that funny tho, but as friends we lent him our smiles.

“Forget, this Obi sef dey laugh o” De said with bright eyes, looking at Ba (Obi being a nick we sometimes call Ba).

“Why him no fit laugh, hin no get mouth?” I defended Ba, though mockingly, as I wanted them (De and Ba) to face each other, it’s always a thing of joy seeing sworn enemies get at each other, they either end up cursing and swearing off to their rooms or getting knives or bottles to chuk demselves (of course they won’t, unless dey want to end up in dia parents’ houses with nicely typed expulsion letters).

“Abi Na U dey control am?” Na added, backing me up, clearly getting what I’m doing

“Leave am, person wey no get plan, him daft pass Majeed” said Ba defending himself (Majeed is our gateman’s little toddler). Yes it’s starting…👍👍

“Oga make I hear word, U wey be Mama’s boy, like say if they give U 2m (2million naira) now now, no b beats (beats by dre headphones) U go use am buy” said De, getting at Ba and trying to make us help in laughing at his punchline.

We all acknowledged him, some of us laughing, others adding aaahhhh to their laughter, Jo was already on floor, laughing and hitting the wall with his giant palms, an embarrassing habit he could pull off in front of President Obama, provided there was a floor to land on.

“Ode, if I see 2m now, Na land I go first buy, Na asset wey no fit depreciate” Ba said defensively, in response to De’s mockery.

“Yhhhh, make sense, make sense” Ay supported.

“Baba who put Ur mouth?” I shot at him

“Swerve bitch” Ay answered me

Not satisfied at how De and Ba’s beef was going to end so soon with Ba’s sensible reply, Jo asked turning to Ba “if Na 5m they give U nko?”

“I go first buy land” Ba replied again

“If na 10m nko?” Pr added, looking keenly at Ba who’s clearly taking strolls to Stupid Avenue

“I go first buy one mad land, then…”

Cutting him short, I shouted amidst laughter, “Guy U dey find Promise Land?!” Everyone burst into some deep prolonged laughter, Jo landing back on his usual spot, this time shaking the iron bars serving as barriers for the balcony vigorously, almost in tears.

“Oga forget, na wetin my Grandpa use make him money, and dey sabi am everywhere for Ondo town” Ba defended himself, clearly looking stupid

“Fool! Na hin Grandpa b Hin mentor, foolish fool, hahaha” De shouted excitedly, turning to us as if giving approval to laugh harder at our dear friend’s juvenile brains.

“Guy wetin be Ur own ambition sef, wey U jus dey enter the boy” Na asked De, after contributing his own share of the giant laughter we built for Ba

“Me abi?” asked De rhetorically, clearly struggling to sharply give a sound answer, not wanting to end up like his condemned opponent.

“..my ambition na to sha be world wide known billionaire before age 35” he continued. 

HOL UP! 😳

Honestly that was one of the dullest statements ive heard ever. Ambition? World wide known billionaire? Dealing in what? 

He fast became the new object of attack and trashing, everyone including Ba laughing hard, De clearly wanted to give a quick sound answer, not taking time to ruminate over the question, he was caught off-balance.

Make I tell una one thing” started Jo from the floor after the echo of laughter and lashings had died down; Jo has never had two things to tell anyone, it’s always one, which always ends up in an epistle.

“…life Na plan” he continued

“Oga keep quiet, Na one thing U dey always wan talk, e no dey tire u?” shouted Kz who has left at some point from the stairs.

“If you no get plan, U no fit survive” Jo continued, ignoring Kz

“This Jo ma sef, u don get fault” Pr tackled, “you no get plan yourself, Na only you wan be cinematographer (his phone is filled with pictures of cameras and lenses), Na only U wan be Engineer wit Ur papa for Dangote, Na only U wan go back go study Medicine after this degree, I sure say very soon you go wan be Kung fu master!” Pr landed

This was too hilarious to let lie, I shut my eyes and laughed as tho I was possessed, every other person laughing in dia own type of language, Pr just clearly ended Jo without a full stop!

Jo who always has a way of getting his rebound kinda quickly said “no be Ur fault Ibo boy, Na Alaba market U go later end Ur degree, dey follow ur brother pirate CD”

“Oga Na YAHOO sure pass, make person hit am big, make U buy one fresh mad ride just dey serve dey ball” Kz came on, thinking we were still on the NYSC issue. 

“Fool”, i said to myself

Smiling like he discovered a secret route to China, Na concluded “All this talk, Na oil company go later solve am, Na mad bar dem dey pay for that corner”

We looked at him but could not hit him, he had the GPA.

We dispersed one after the other, everyone with their different conclusive opinions to their rooms, suddenly realizing we were still undergraduates who had papers the next day!…..

THE END? 😳

Be free to lash at d characters, share Ur thoughts, they’re reading this too tho 🏃🏃

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AFTER B.Sc….. (PART ONE)

 TRUE STORY

May 26, 2015

05:37pm

Introduction

Alright our final exams was scheduled to commence Monday, 25th of May 2015, but ‘cos of the fuel ish back then, exams was moooveeedd…………………………to the 27th of May 😏 (assholes, Oda schls got 2weeks break)

Evening of the 26th had a serene setting, blocks of our hostel complex were kinda quiet (of course everyone was preparing for exams), the weather seemed as tho it knew wassup; it was cooperative.

My memory however fails me on how I suddenly played host to about 6 of my guys from separate rooms:

De (Room 15)- final yr PLB student, fair complexioned, of average height, hairy and heavily bearded. Highly confident even when spewing gibberish (nonsense).

Jo (Room 27)- final yr student of BCH, dark, well-built, hardworking and wears medicated specs solely for d purpose of zooming in other ppl’s answer scripts during exams, hustle game strong af 👌

Ba (Room 17)- final yr BCH student, controversial Prince of a faraway yoruba kingdom (27th of 28 sons), moderately fair, tall and bearded, converts d whole world to Dols  b4 talking prices, believes in himself to gunpoint (doesn’t always end well Tho).

Pr (Room 17)- final yr BCH student, accented ibo boy, beardless with receding hairlines that’s never due 4 barbing/carving, smart, a bit honest, loyal Kanye disciple, Kaffy’s (the dancer) long forgotten brother-in-law.

Kz (Room 25)- final yr HIS student, my family friend, loud and stubborn, aggressive with Craig David-like teddy and beard, plays ratchet quite well, his most spoken catchphrase- “fresh mad ride” (you’ll understand later on).

Ay (Room 13 Downstairs)300L G&C student, geek, freak, intelligent Delta boy with some weird yoruba name and a surname that’d confuse a bat, nice intruder, poke nosing skills on fleek (explains how he got a role in this movie).

Na (Room 28)- 300L BCH student, Edo boy with very conspicuous facial hair and a very close proximity to the floor stature, annoyingly funny, glutton. He’s everywhere (when food is involved).

Me (Room 18)- Room owner/The host.
Sitting by my room entrance, with his back resting on the door frame so that the door remains open, “Guy where U go like serve” Kz asked without lifting his gaze from his annoyingly heavy tab (model withheld), question directed to no one in particular. I was d closest to him so I assumed ownership of his question.

“For Abj nah, if possible my mama laps” i answered casually.

“This guy Na fool o, why U go still wan serve for Abj? Dey swear for U?” He replied me, this time looking towards d 5-man team on my 4 by 4 bed.

“Na Wetin him want him talk nah” Ay put in without invitation

“Omo Na mama’s boy package b dat o, U no go fit think for urself” Pr argued.

Jo, jus starting to look interested after getting his attention off his phone said, “Oga na anywhere o, I go serve for Lag no mean say I no go free or I no go fit dey work or think for myself”

“Na lieeeeee” I looked towards the direction of the voice, it was De, with the wild cat look he always has on when he’s about to enlighten the world, right or wrong.

“Oga keep quiet, Na true Jo talk” added Na, with both hands tucked deep in his khaki shorts, fidgeting with God knows what , a bad habit he has mastered so well but everyone curses him for.

“Na my side I go serve sef and nobody fit tell me bullshit” with his deep voice raised above all others’, Ba argued, not wanting to b left out and partly bcos he likes claiming free baller and dictator back home, rumour has it hes a Get inside tho, we once overheard him say “…but mum I want to buy shoe nah” on phone. (but it’s none of my business).

“Abi now!” Ay supported, with squeezed facial expression looking like a plastic plate trailer jus ran over, a face he has on when he’s about to sweat it out in an argument with someone (altho not his cup of tea o, nigga isn’t even in his finals!).

“Una b fools, I go like dey on my own, buy fresh mad ride dey cruise dey feel alright” Kz stepped back in

And so began the argument, getting heated up at every contradictory contribution, everyone (including me) at the top of their voices, each person trying to make a point………….

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VAL. (WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW…) by Iqmat

When Ife initially asked me to write for his blog, I was surprised and still am if you ask me. I am NOT a writer. In fact apart from school work (and one poem I wrote when I really thought I was in love), the only thing I have written was what Ife saw and made him ask me to write for his blog. To be sincere, I am greatly honored even though he only asked me because he’s “too busy”. Too busy with girls I’ll say. Anyways let me stop talking bout my uninteresting life (cause believe me, thats technically my life).
Let’s talk about relationship since February 14 is almost here. I am not a hater neither am I a fan of Valentine’s Day but I know how special it is for many and how it’s the worst day of the year for some. Others generally do not care. Do people even know the concept of St. Valentine’s Day? I know ladies who believe if their bf doesn’t get them GIFTS on that day, then he’s done with. Some ladies expect the guy to give but not get. Isn’t it all about sharing and appreciating your loved ones? You don’t need to wait for a guy to shower you with gifts on that day ONLY to prove he loves you. It isn’t even about monetary exchange. It could be you just helping a friend or stranger out, or showing your family how much you love them by doing something special. Why do most things in life have a connection with money? Money doesn’t make the world go round, Love does. I am not one of those sappy hopelessly in love people. Like please! I have much more important things to do than obsess about love. But seriously, what does Love mean to you? Have you ever deeply thought about this or have you been using the dictionary definition to judge where you stand? Can I ask you what love is and you’ll give me your own version of what you believe it is and not what people say it is? For those in relationships right now, think about this, are you in love or are you in a convenient relationship? One which you’re just in to make people stop talking about you as the lady who can’t hold down a man or the one who’s in it for the gift and the status or the one who’s old enough to be married and will go with anyone. I was in statistics class one day and my teacher asked for our age so she can use it for an example of the topic we were on. I happened to be on the row she chose.  out of ten people, there were five18s, four 19s and one 22. I happened to be the 22. I started thinking about the fact that these people were in the same age group as my younger sister. I thought about the fact that my mates are getting married and those who aren’t are engaged. Here I am still in college. did that make me sad and almost cry? Yes. Did I cry and think about how miserable my life is? Of course no. Why?! Because even though I was in class with teenagers, I am a senior taking a prerequisite and so what do I expect? I am also a woman who believes strongly in education and I know it’s not how far but how well. Do I love the life I am living at the moment? Absolutely, Alhamdulillah. So this Valentine’s Day, don’t think about the fact that you have no boyfriend to give you any gift. Think about EVERYTHING in life you’re thankful for and thank God for it. Pray for yourself, your family and friends and all the souls you’ve lost to His mercies (Don’t let this be the first and last day you’ll do this. You should be thankful everyday of your life). As for me, I would be in school and it’s on a Friday so definitely will be attending Jummah In sha Allah. Be happy. Happy Valentine’s Day in Advance.

P.s. I hope I get to write more in future. Nah not really though. I hate thinking about what to write.
By Iqmat (IG/twitter: @cutiehique)

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DEATH MUST BE A MAN. (Tribute to Samiat)

It is inevitable, it is ‘undodgeable’, no matter how long it takes, how discreet you try to be, how perfectly perfect you hide, whenever the MAN is ready, he practically yawns, stretches and reaches for a mortal life like he’s deliberately kept it for himself these past years.
Death must be a man; a brave, cocky man, who an average Nigerian would say ‘sends no one’, who answers to no mortal being, but does whatever he thinks right, whenever and wherever he deems fit.
Death must be a man, to have the wit to take away a living being’s ultimate right to live, with no intention of giving it back, ceasing your breath permanently, leaving your friends, family and admirers to mourn and wallow in pain and regrets. He takes a whole life and all he leaves behind is sorrow.
Mehn, death must be a very strong, care-free man, to whisk away an innocent soul like my friend’s, somebody so dear to my heart, a person I’d sacrifice an innocent stranger for without blinking, a sweet soul, pretty not only on the face but also in mind and thoughts.
The invincible man reached for my Samiat just months ago; got a call early in the day from my cousin who happened to be friends with her too, she was all in tears, I could barely make out what she was saying, when I finally could make sense off all she said, I froze. My phone stayed there, glued to my ear, I could say not a word in reply, could hear her saying “hello, hello, are u still there?” If felt as tho my lips became very heavy, I could not answer. I cut her off when my body system finally came back to life after some seconds of hibernation; trembling and shaking, I began my quest for confirmation, calling several other high school mates, but it seemed my cousin was the only one who had heard. Later, I confirmed she died of leukemia. I had never cried like that in a very very long time, I wept like ‘God-knows-what’, shock was how I never heard of her sickness, my sweet, lovely, one in a million, caring Samiat had departed the world without the slightest chance of saying goodbye.
Even as I write this, I fight tears, my only consolation being that I trust she’s doing okay where she is, a beautiful soul does not suffer. I remember she says she would not miss my wedding ceremony for anything in the world cause she thinks I like the opposite sex too much and she’d wanna see how the last chic standing would look like; now it seems impossible but am sure she’ll still not miss it, she’ll watch from WHEREVER and not be disappointed!.
Stopped crying over her sometime ago (surprised? I still cry when I remember the crazy stuffs we used to do and say) when in a very real dream I saw her, telling me to not run from her, coming closer, she said to stop crying and tell other friends to stop too, as she’s not dead and still very much around. That is no COCK and BULL, I had that dream. Since then, whenever the good old times with her and other friends slip into my thoughts, I try not to think her dead, but in a faraway place, where she’s having fun, where we can’t see for now :).
Now am lighting a candle which am going to watch until it burns to its last, my little way of paying my last respects to a great lass who fell on February the 18th. If there’s another world where she might be right now, or another world after that, I know she’ll live in bliss, and if there’s not, oh well, she made the best of this!. We (A. Hazeezah, A.Tolu, U.Tolu, O.Clement, A.Ayo, A.Deboye, A.Adeola, O.Tunji and I) all still love you. Keep resting in flawless peace…..

“One thing is certain the rest are lies, a flower that has once blossomed shall forever die”
-Edward Filz Garald.

To Samiat Adeoti I. (199*-2013), and to everyone who’s lost a loved one, may their lovely souls rest in peace.

Gracias por leer!

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…IN LOVE.

“You know you’re in love
When you can’t fall asleep because
Reality is finally better than your dreams”.
-Dr. Seuss

“There’s never a time or place for true love.
It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat,
In a single, flashing, throbbing moment”.
-Sarah Dessen.

Not in love at the moment, so I had to channel the love I had for this one girl-my High School sweetheart, my first love, into this write-up, she’s probably reading this too (as we are still very much in touch). :D.
If you’ve ever been in love or you’re still in love then you should know it’s one of the best things (if not the best thing) that can ever happen to a living being. Mind you, ‘to love’ is distinctly different from ‘to crush’ cos as I’ve gathered, the ‘crush-crush’ feeling is some kinda advanced form of ‘like’. You have reasons for crushing on someone, it may be the way they carry themselves, their composure, physical features like their curly/wavy hair, their face, their eyes, their nice, sexy, curvy and perfect figure among others, it may even be the way they look, or smile, silly reasons like that…a crush only lasts for 4months (tops), you may get over the someone before then. If you have a reason whatsoever for loving somebody, then what you’re feeling isn’t love, it’s perhaps some form of crush. Love cannot be explained and the feeling cannot be fought, it can only be suppressed for a period of time, you never actually get over it like you get over crushes, and finally, somehow, someday, you swim and sink deep in it.
As the reggae legend Bob Marley once said and I quote: “Once in your life I believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around”. I hope the use of ‘once’ in that quote was noticed, which leads me to believe true and pure love is found once, ONCE, not even twice cos if true love was what you found the first time, then no obstacle, no matter how huge should have been capable of wrecking your relationship. So if you think you once found love and now you’re single, my dear your true love is waiting for you somewhere on your worldly journey to mortality!.
When you’re finally in love, loving your partner feels like food to your soul, you tell them things that you never wanna share with another soul, they absorb everything and even wanna hear more, you share hopes for the future, dreams that may never come true, and goals that may never be achieved.
Your love isn’t embarrassed to cry with you when you’re hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself, never do they make you feel like you’re not good enough, rather they build you up and show you things even you do not know about yourself that makes you special and beautiful. You’ll be yourself, do ‘razz’ stunts and not worry about what they think cos they love you just the way you are. Things that seem insignificant to most people like a note, a song or a walk with them become invaluable treasures locked safe in your heart to cherish forever. Laughter seems part of your daily life where before it was not frequent or didn’t exist at all, you may even laugh out loud absent-mindedly when you’re alone at that crazy, creepy thing you both did. In their presence, there may not be need for continuous conversation, you’re convenient staring deep into each other’s eyeballs lost in deep thoughts of the future. You think of this person in everything you do, how sweet being in love can be!.
That time when this dude writing was in love and was loved back, a phone call or two made his day and brought smiles to his face. Simple things brought her to mind like a pale blue sky or even a gentle breeze (don’t judge me, that’s how crazy being in love can be!).
Life seems suddenly different, exciting and worth living. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who’ll remain loyal to the end as the greatest love story to you will not be Romeo and Juliet who died for love or Twilight’s Edward and Bella who fought for love, but you, and that one person growing old together, spending eternity in love!.

“Not all of us can do great things,
But we can do small things with great love”.
-Mother Theresa

Gracias por leer!

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“I also have a dream….” (THE PHOTOGRAPHER)

Well am not Martin Luther King Jr.; we aren’t related, neither am I Bovi the comedian; am not that funny. I can’t really point out with surety what inspired this writing but I think its ‘cos my Mom spoke some sense into me the day I talked down a photographer at my brother’s party. After the intense scolding and ‘gidi’ counseling I got (u know how Moms are) I became calm and actually had to ruminate over some of the things she said, I thought that:
He (the photographer) did not plan his life to be that way and even if he had had a thing for photography, I mean if he loved his job and had a passion for it from the beginning, he certainly did not plan for it to be small in scope. He has mates capturing bigger functions, ‘doper’ scenes, more important and recognized personalities. He might have had bigger dreams for himself and he might have just dabbled into the business to earn a living-to place food on the table for wife, son(s) and daughter(s). Whatever might have made him venture into the art, am a hundred percent certain he didn’t want to be in that skin-wrecking sun, sweating like a chilled Coca-Cola bottle, trying with all marketing strategies in his head to persuade guests to patronize him, getting so carried away as to grab their arms or their bags, making frustrating efforts until they eventually ward him off, politely or rudely; the photographer has no choice, he does the same thing to other people over and over again, he’s got mouths to feed!.
Now let’s assume the photographer had his way, you and I should be sure he wouldn’t have been at that function capturing images, if he were to be there at all, it’d have been to come and blow some ‘bucks’, make himself known and bail out in grand style before the party had even officially begun ( we all know most big men don’t stay the whole of a function). Let’s assume life is a soothingly comfortable bed of roses, he(the photographer) should be having to deal with paparazzi and not be a paparazzo himself, he might have already acquired G-wagons for his children like Folorunsho Alakija (Mrs) the oil tycoon just did for her 4 sons, he might have been pronounced World’s Richest black man like our dear Aliko Dangote, not have had to travel from state to state in a commercial bus but in a private jet…..life would have been so much ‘rosier’.
But oh I dream of a world without oppression or depression, a world where all fingers if not equal are in the process of equaling, a place where there exists no stratification, where there’s no first class, middle class or the poverty-ridden mass men, a place where you become whoever or whatever you wanna be, a place where you live the exact life you’ve always wanted to live, a world where the word ‘celebrity’ has gone extinct; where you don’t have to be all grumpy and pouty, thinking of what next to devour after having an unhealthy breakfast washed down with raw, dirty and untreated water, a place free for all to live, where no one is truly above the law, where terrorism is a thing of the past, where there is freedom of speech, choice of religion and all other freedoms THEY claim we’ve got.
I dream of a time when you don’t have to carry other people’s crosses, bear other people’s blames and get jailed for doing right, a time when Mahatma Gandhi’s words:
“There are people so poor,
That God will have to appear to them in the form of bread”
will be laughed at and not reflected upon. I dream of a world free from corruption and the corrupt heads themselves, rid of influential shitheads who’ll go any length to get mates of their daughters laid. I dream of an impeccable universe-free from fault or blemish.

Gracias por leer!

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welcome aboard flight ‘Blog001’

Err…errrm….am not new to writing, but I think I’ve lost the art over the years due to negligence however I’m certain with time I’ll catch up with time and get ahold of this part of me back, but before then I hope y’all (esteemed readers) will try and put up with the elementary style of writing I’ll be adopting and not hesitate to let me know what my errors are and where they lie….I might have lost my skill in writing but I haven’t lost my manners :), “Hello people, hope you are doing great, I am Ifedayo and I’ll like to welcome you aboard this blog, thank you for creating time to visit, I hope you’ll visit from time to time and am certain we’ll have a smooth flight. Enjoy!

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