After B.Sc….(PART TWO)

“Na where person go see better job opportunity after service go make sense jor” i continued when there was a little quiet in the room, everyone sweating, Ba and Na had their shirts pulled (who sent them to b apes, hairy mumus 😏).

“Oga gbagbe! If U wan make am U go sabi hustle anywhere U dey ” Jo, the legendary hustler countered.

We continued this way for several minutes, argument venue shifting from my room towards Room 15 balcony.

“I know say anywhere Wey i dey , I go adapt”, De said 

“Oyah bad guy, before U adapt when U reach this hostel sef, heaven nearly fall, if no be for Kz and Ife for Ur life” Na mocked, laughing at De, everyone joined.

“Leave am, shebi Na him b adaptor” Pr added mildly but jokingly; that statement wasn’t that funny tho, but as friends we lent him our smiles.

“Forget, this Obi sef dey laugh o” De said with bright eyes, looking at Ba (Obi being a nick we sometimes call Ba).

“Why him no fit laugh, hin no get mouth?” I defended Ba, though mockingly, as I wanted them (De and Ba) to face each other, it’s always a thing of joy seeing sworn enemies get at each other, they either end up cursing and swearing off to their rooms or getting knives or bottles to chuk demselves (of course they won’t, unless dey want to end up in dia parents’ houses with nicely typed expulsion letters).

“Abi Na U dey control am?” Na added, backing me up, clearly getting what I’m doing

“Leave am, person wey no get plan, him daft pass Majeed” said Ba defending himself (Majeed is our gateman’s little toddler). Yes it’s starting…👍👍

“Oga make I hear word, U wey be Mama’s boy, like say if they give U 2m (2million naira) now now, no b beats (beats by dre headphones) U go use am buy” said De, getting at Ba and trying to make us help in laughing at his punchline.

We all acknowledged him, some of us laughing, others adding aaahhhh to their laughter, Jo was already on floor, laughing and hitting the wall with his giant palms, an embarrassing habit he could pull off in front of President Obama, provided there was a floor to land on.

“Ode, if I see 2m now, Na land I go first buy, Na asset wey no fit depreciate” Ba said defensively, in response to De’s mockery.

“Yhhhh, make sense, make sense” Ay supported.

“Baba who put Ur mouth?” I shot at him

“Swerve bitch” Ay answered me

Not satisfied at how De and Ba’s beef was going to end so soon with Ba’s sensible reply, Jo asked turning to Ba “if Na 5m they give U nko?”

“I go first buy land” Ba replied again

“If na 10m nko?” Pr added, looking keenly at Ba who’s clearly taking strolls to Stupid Avenue

“I go first buy one mad land, then…”

Cutting him short, I shouted amidst laughter, “Guy U dey find Promise Land?!” Everyone burst into some deep prolonged laughter, Jo landing back on his usual spot, this time shaking the iron bars serving as barriers for the balcony vigorously, almost in tears.

“Oga forget, na wetin my Grandpa use make him money, and dey sabi am everywhere for Ondo town” Ba defended himself, clearly looking stupid

“Fool! Na hin Grandpa b Hin mentor, foolish fool, hahaha” De shouted excitedly, turning to us as if giving approval to laugh harder at our dear friend’s juvenile brains.

“Guy wetin be Ur own ambition sef, wey U jus dey enter the boy” Na asked De, after contributing his own share of the giant laughter we built for Ba

“Me abi?” asked De rhetorically, clearly struggling to sharply give a sound answer, not wanting to end up like his condemned opponent.

“..my ambition na to sha be world wide known billionaire before age 35” he continued. 

HOL UP! 😳

Honestly that was one of the dullest statements ive heard ever. Ambition? World wide known billionaire? Dealing in what? 

He fast became the new object of attack and trashing, everyone including Ba laughing hard, De clearly wanted to give a quick sound answer, not taking time to ruminate over the question, he was caught off-balance.

Make I tell una one thing” started Jo from the floor after the echo of laughter and lashings had died down; Jo has never had two things to tell anyone, it’s always one, which always ends up in an epistle.

“…life Na plan” he continued

“Oga keep quiet, Na one thing U dey always wan talk, e no dey tire u?” shouted Kz who has left at some point from the stairs.

“If you no get plan, U no fit survive” Jo continued, ignoring Kz

“This Jo ma sef, u don get fault” Pr tackled, “you no get plan yourself, Na only you wan be cinematographer (his phone is filled with pictures of cameras and lenses), Na only U wan be Engineer wit Ur papa for Dangote, Na only U wan go back go study Medicine after this degree, I sure say very soon you go wan be Kung fu master!” Pr landed

This was too hilarious to let lie, I shut my eyes and laughed as tho I was possessed, every other person laughing in dia own type of language, Pr just clearly ended Jo without a full stop!

Jo who always has a way of getting his rebound kinda quickly said “no be Ur fault Ibo boy, Na Alaba market U go later end Ur degree, dey follow ur brother pirate CD”

“Oga Na YAHOO sure pass, make person hit am big, make U buy one fresh mad ride just dey serve dey ball” Kz came on, thinking we were still on the NYSC issue. 

“Fool”, i said to myself

Smiling like he discovered a secret route to China, Na concluded “All this talk, Na oil company go later solve am, Na mad bar dem dey pay for that corner”

We looked at him but could not hit him, he had the GPA.

We dispersed one after the other, everyone with their different conclusive opinions to their rooms, suddenly realizing we were still undergraduates who had papers the next day!…..

THE END? 😳

Be free to lash at d characters, share Ur thoughts, they’re reading this too tho 🏃🏃

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